Why Identity Is the Missing Link in Your Health Journey

Ever feel like you’re doing all the “right things” — meal prepping, skipping dessert, maybe even waking up for that 6 AM Pilates class — and still not feeling like yourself?

You’re not alone. This is one of the most common patterns we see, especially with women in the menopause transition. You’ve spent years pouring into kids, work, a relationship, a to-do list three miles long…and somewhere along the way, you stopped recognizing the woman in the mirror.

Here’s the bottom line: most of us try to change our habits without doing the deep work of reconnecting with who we are. Or who we want to be. That’s when change doesn’t stick: when it’s built on tasks, not identity.

So let’s talk about identity. And why reclaiming identity may be the missing link in your health journey.

First, a quick science-y detour: Atomic Habits 101

James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, breaks behavior change down into three layers, sort of like like an onion.

Here’s how it goes:

1. Outcome: “I want to lose weight.”
2. Process: “I’m going to follow this new meal plan.”
3. Identity: “I’m someone who prioritizes nourishing, joyful meals.”

Most of us start at the outcome (the outside). But the real, sustainable change? That starts with identity (the core).

“The ultimate form of intrinsic motivation is when a habit becomes part of your identity.” – James Clear

And this hits home hard for so many of the women we see in practice.

What happens when you lose your sense of self?

Whether it’s years of dieting, career burnout, caretaking, or just running on autopilot, many women show up in our office completely disconnected from their bodies. And more importantly, disconnected from their identities.

Their stories sound like this:

• “I know what to do, I just can’t seem to do it.”
• “I cook meals every day, but I never sit down and eat a real one myself.”
• “I don’t even know what I like anymore.”
• “I just want to feel excited about food again.”
• “I don’t have time for me.”
• “I keep trying programs but nothing sticks.”

Sound familiar?

When you’re disconnected from yourself, even the best habits won’t stick. You can follow the plan, take the supplements, download the app, and still feel like something’s missing.

Taking magnesium won’t rebuild your sense of self. A new probiotic won’t reconnect you to your joy around food. Seeing your OB twice a year (for 10 rushed minutes) won’t fix a lifetime of body disconnection. Neither will Whole30, intermittent fasting, MyFitnessPal, or that “new plan on Monday.”

This isn’t just about food. It’s about a life that doesn’t feel like yours. And when you’re trying to layer new habits on top of an identity that’s been lost, guess what? Those habits don’t last. They don’t feel like you, because you don’t quite know who that is right now.

Because this isn’t about finding the perfect program. It’s about finding yourself again and building habits that actually reflect who you are and what you value.

So, where do we start?

Here’s the shift:

→ Stop asking “What should I eat?” or “How do I lose weight?”

→ Start asking: Who do I want to be?

• Do you want to be someone who feels calm around food?
• Someone who trusts her body again?
• Someone who treats meals as moments of care, not control?

If yes, then your new habits aren’t just tasks. They’re acts of self-reclamation.

Try this:

Let’s say your old habit was:

• “I eat what the kids eat because I don’t have time.”

A process-based shift might be:

• “I’ll meal prep something separate for me.”

But an identity-based shift sounds like:

• “I am someone who takes care of herself through food.”
• “I am someone who believes my needs matter.”
• “I am someone who makes time to nourish myself.”

See the difference? And research backs this identity-driven approach. Your self-identity drives and maintains lasting behavior change.

This is why we talk about self-care before nutrition strategies.

Because true health doesn’t start with green smoothies or supplements. It starts with the belief that you’re worth caring for. And from that belief? New habits start to feel less like a chore, and more like coming home.

If you’re already working with us, you know we weave self-care right into our sessions. And not just the bubble bath or vacation kind (though those are important too!), but the everyday, practical acts that honor your whole-body health.

Things like sleep and stress management come before nutrition. Because when self-care leads the way, food choices naturally follow. Eating well isn’t something you “should” do, it’s something you choose because you want to (and key: feel you deserve to) feel good.

The takeaway?

When you shift your focus from “What do I want to achieve?” to “Who do I want to become?” Your health goals start to align with your life, not fight against it.

So if you’re feeling stuck, burnt out, or like you’ve been chasing the same goals for years… maybe the next step isn’t another diet. Maybe it’s asking yourself: Who am I now, and who do I want to be? And then letting every bite, every meal, every small act of care be your way back 💛

Want help building habits that actually fit the life you want? We’re here for that. We do more than nutrition counseling. This is identity work, and we take it seriously. We’d be honored to work with you.